Christmas was great. The girls loved everything - especially their phones and the Wii. I love the Wii! It's so awesome. My oldest and I both were sore from playing tennis. LOL She also loves boxing. Finally someone she can beat up on and not get in trouble! LOL
It sucks that schools are closed this week (not for the girls I'm sure, just my pocketbook). $40 a day - I know 20 a piece isn't much to watch two girls for 8 hours but 40x3 is 120 - ugh!
Things with NG and I are good. Still. But, you knew there was a but right? Don't I always have a but? I think I'm the queen of buts sometimes! I think I'm doing it to myself, but I'm just not sure yet. It's like I feel I am being...I'm having trouble thinking of the word that describes this feeling, but an example would be when he asks me if I've done something and I feel resentment that he is asking me. What business is it of his? Then I think, well that's what a relationship is - you are sharing your life with someone and in order to do that you have to actually share it.
PAUSE
Just came back from lunch with NG. Thought of the perfect example of what I'm feeling. Last night I felt anxious because I didn't unload and reload the d/w. I don't like that I feel like I have to do things. Now, don't get me wrong, I am totally creating all of this myself. NG said nothing but I felt obligated. That's the word I was looking for - I hate feeling obligated to do anything but a relationship makes you obligated to someone else and evidently I have some kind of deep seated dislike of being obligated to anything. I think I have some kind of neurosis about it, because really, I hate being obligated period. I have trouble committing to plans in advance. I think I might need some professional help.
6 comments:
I don't know about therapy and all that, but you should lighten up on yourself a little about just what an obligation consists of.
Then again, maybe therapy is the way to go! :-)
Don, I was sorta joking about the therapy. LOL But in regards to obligation, that was just tiny example, the big ball of wax is I just don't like living with someone who has a say in what I do or don't do, even if they don't exercise it. The possiblity just hangs over me. I'm still trying to figure out what is more important to me, sharing my life with someone or not being answerable to anyone.
Yeah, I know, I should have answered that question in full b4 moving in together. I'm dumb like that.
I have struggled with the same household chores obligation thing. I was in therapy. Here's what my therapist had to say about that - do the chores or don't, but don't beat yourself up mentally or feel guilty about it. Usually it takes way more energy to beat yourself up over something than to just do the thing.
Also, he should be loving you for you - not for what kind of housekeeper you are. If you are accepting him for who he is he should do the same.
There. I just saved you 90 bucks an hour. ;)
Share the chores, and have the girls help too. That's what being a couple is about...
You really don't need to look at is as NG having a say in your life - it's a mutual thing. You're a team now. You will not always agree - get used to it. But if you do love each other and your disagreements aren't extreme or fundamental, you'll find a way, together, to work it out.
Remember the most important thing: communication. Talk with him about how you feel. Ask him how he feels. You'll see where to go from there.
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