Time is just flying by. I'm having a hard time keeping up and what's weirder is that I have more help now than I did before (have I mentioned that I haven't had to laundry since like um the end of June not to mention all the other stuff he does without me even asking) I think it's because cheerleading/football started and we have practice M, T and TH from 6-8. Plus with therapy sprinkled in (which really hasn't shown much result yet, but they've only been two times the other stuff was testing) I don't know, it just seems like I'm in a tornado and now school is going to be added to the mix. I'm scared. It's going to be crazy I know. It's always like this during "the season" and then it's over and things get back to a little slower. I just have to make it through. You'd think the way I talk about it, it was something totally overwhelming but really it's not. Am I making any sense? Not really. Oh well, this space is for me to get it all out there so I can actually think about it later.
NG and I are doing pretty well. I've tried to relax and let him in a little and so far, it's went well. The girls are absolutely ga ga over him. It's really wild because of how much they disliked XBF.
Some really strange things are going on with the girls and their Dad, which is really freaking me out. I found out last weekend that he had smacked the oldest on in the mouth last year. They are just now telling me. Apparently, for no reason or not one that either can remember. After, oldest got mad at youngest because she thought youngest must have told Daddy something to make him do that and they got into a fight (not physical). Youngest also said he only treats oldest like that not her that she is his favorite and oldest is grandmas. They both say he hasn't done anything like that since. I told their therapist. We are supposed to have a feedback session the beginning of Sept. Since it had happened so long ago and their supposedly hasn't been an incident since, the therapist saw oldest the day they were supposed to go and if she felt they shouldn't go, I wasn't going to let them, but she didn't so they went. Then today when they came home on the way home they told me the most bizarre thing that I really don't know what to think about it. The youngest who always tells everything she knows starts to tell a story about something that happened at Daddy's, oldest tries to shut her up by covering her mouth and telling her not to tell, and then I say that she can, and she proceeds to tell about AirMyName (i.e. Air then saying my name) and said that Daddy pretends to uhm laugh laugh giggle giggle you know how you got pregnant mommy and Daddy does that to AirMyName against the wall, he showed us. Now what in the world does that mean???????? I ask for a little clarification, and apparently from what I got, he was acting out having sex with me against the wall. Later, I asked oldest why he showed them that and she just shrugged her shoulders and then I asked if her grandma (his mom) saw and she said we were in grandma's room and she was telling him to get out. He also has been drinking about 12 beers that day. I don't even know what to think about this. Why would he be telling/showing the girls something like that. There has to be some objective but what could it be possibly be???? I'm going to call their therapist and inform her of the latest craziness. The weirdest thing is that all this stuff has just now come out. I truly never thought he would act this way with the kids. I had seen him around his son when he was young and he never acted like he was would ever strike a child in anger. But maybe that's because he is a boy. I just don't know. I told NG that maybe he is doing this to hurt me through them, by messing them up he is paying me back for all the wrongs I have done him (which only exist in his mind). I am afraid that when I try to do something about this it will fail, and the girls will somehow be punished or worse. This really sucks.
5 comments:
He sounds like my ex.
Or he could be starting to show signs of something worse to come. You made the hairs on my neck stand up reading this, but then my wife and her sister were victims of sexual abuse at an early age by their grandfather.
I worry about that kind of thing alot. Hopefully that's not the case here...
still just me
aren't we the lucky ones? Not!
fusion
exactly. I talked to an attorney today and although to me it seems like a slam dunk to get visitation supervised, he wasn't as reassuring... one would think the kid's safety would be paramount but the way he explained it was the importance of "the relationship with their father" versus the "risk of harm" is what is weighed and he didn't think that the judge would be as upset by this as I am. Family court - more like kangaroo court.
I find it hard to believe that a judge would not see differently than your atty. (But of course, I am not a lawyer).
Get a notebook, now if you don't already have one. Start documenting... everything. Dates, times and events. This is much better than "going on recollection" and will be much more useful in court later. It will not constitute "evidence" but it will show that your "memory" is backed up by written events and not just "blowing things out of proportion" later.
Dates, events, and as much detail as you can muster at the time and write it all down. Even things that might seem "mostly harmless" but are not quite right. Put them all down, as it will help establish patterns, and may even become pertinent later when those "little things" potentially become something more, especially when put into context.
Document, Document, Document. Starting immediately.
The reason your lawyer may have hesitancy is that it is your word against his. Depending on the kids' ages, it is highly unlikely they would be drawn into court, and I know from an issue we had, that DCF doesn't take it seriously at all if there is a divorce/custody proceeding, which is the fault of all the losers who make false accusations.
It is a huge warning sign though, and grossly wrong for him to do. I'd make sure the kids know to feel safe to tell you anything else that happens, and to document everything, as already suggested.
Do you feel safe just flat-out asking him what the hell that is all about?
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