First, in regard to the comments: not to say that I shouldn't show affection for NG but I'm confused about what is appropriate as well. I mean it was a pretty intense kiss. I wouldn't feel bad if it had just been a quick one or just a kiss on the lips, but it wasn't the way I would kiss someone in public at the park so I did feel I acted inappropriately.

I have to go out of town again and I'm really dreading telling the girls because I know they are going to be very upset. I hate that. Luckily this time I'm only going to be gone for four days instead of six so that should help out some. My friend T is staying with them this time. My dad was going to but he has been sick and is afraid that he might have another dizzy episode when with the kids so I had to find someone else. This is another time when I hate that I'm a single parent. It sucks to that I only have one grandparent to help out and no brothers, sister or cousins,but I guess I could have none.

I've been obsessing over what I want - a relationship or being single. I've been doing all the pro/cons and being in a relationship has more pros but I'm not sure I can find someone who wants the type of relationship I want, which is one where I have freedom to do things sans my partner even though we have limited time together. I think NG could do this except the fact that my time is so limited so he wants all the time I have. I feel bad that I want to do things that mean we may not get to see each other for two days but it doesn't bother me that we aren't. Does that mean that I don't really want to be in this relationship? I don't think so, but I think he would think that but I'm going to talk to him about it or otherwise we are going to end up the same place I was with XBF. I think there are some people that are completely happy to spend every minute and do everything with their partner but I also think there are people like me that don't and nothing is wrong with either, but you need to be with someone who has similar beliefs.