Life is Short - Don't Waste It!
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
I was talking to my mom last night and she was telling me about the relationship problems she is having and the things he has said to her and I realized that NG and I, although we really haven't had an argument per se we have had some minor disagreements, he has yet to say anything hurtful to me on purpose as the ones who have come before him have. It's been almost 10 months and not one hurtful attack. No name calling (bitch, whore, etc.). I know this should be normal, but for me, alas, it is not. There are so many positive things about this relationship, but something is holding me back a little bit. It's this thing he has that unless an idea is his (or that is how it seems to me), he has a hard time accepting it. He will, but it's quite the work to get there and I don't like it. Sometimes it even takes a couple of days before he says, you were right, you're idea is better and for some reason, it irritates the hell out of me, because until he reaches that moment it's like pulling toenails to try and get my idea across. Have I said he wants to get married? And, I have said yes, but truthfully, I'm not really sure.
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7 comments:
From experience, I've dated quite a few people and had some sort of red flag with all of them. With my current fiance, I can honestly say that I haven't had any red flags. Probably because any potential flaw has been brought up and discussed. If you have some doubt in your mind then you need to confront it to yourself, and then bring it up in your relationship. Because instinct tells us so many truths that we often ignore.
I honestly think that you should always listen to your gut.
That being said, I understand where you're coming from as far as your past relationships are concerned. I had some pretty crappy ones, too. That sometimes can lead to us being leery of even the best guy.
Make sure that you are not on a search mission to locate flaws and make a bigger deal out of them than they deserve. I hope that makes sense...;-)
It also never hurts to get it all out. Talk it through. It really helps.
Well, I'd have to say, for many reasons, you're not ready for marriage. It's my opinion, and I'm sticking with it.
You've been through some very rough times, and you have some adjusting to do. Maybe the "his idea, your idea" thing is minor, maybe it's a symptom of something larger - can you honestly say that you can tell the difference right now? Until you can answer that, you're not ready for a serious relationship yet.
I don't mean to sound harsh, but you don't want to stumble your way into this, get cold feet, and hurt him in ways you never intended - or simply go forward and make a mistake you'll regret. You have to get HONEST with him and talk about what's bothering you. You're hurting your relationship if you don't.
No, you didn't mention anything about marriage. I wish I could be all excited and wish you congrats but it sounds like you're not really feeling it. Don't rush into anything. THere is nothing wrong with a long engagement.
I'm with Don and Boo here Cassee, I'm not saying call it off, just take your time, and maybe you need to talk about it to him in a non confrontational way. He sounds like a great guy, and none of us are perfect, but you need to feel 100% about him, and you're just not there yet it sounds like to me.
I have to agree with Don, Boo, and Fusion here. If you feel any reservations or have any questions at all- there's no harm in a long engagement.
Give yourself time to heal and work thru any questions/issues you may have.
I will echo everyone else and say don't rush into marriage. You have all the time in the world. You are still a bit wounded and vulnerable and healing will take time. Give yourself that time. Just reassure him that you are his exclusively, with or without a ring on your finger.
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