Did Memorial Day the old fashioned way - spent all day driving from one cemetary to the other. Each of my parents' parents are buried in different places and so is my step-dad, plus we stopped and visited along the way.

My oldest cried buckets at my grandmother's grave. I was sad, but did not cry. Sometimes I feel like I am slowly losing all of my feelings - it is almost like I am numb sometimes or I have to work at having them. When I talked to the girls therapist she really seemed to think I need to talk to someone - she wondered how I handle all that I have on my plate. I know I don't deal with my emotions, I just block them out somehow, if I can't afford to "feel" I don't, if I can I do, which surprise surprise is not very often. "They" say that's really bad, but sometimes I wonder. I mean for instance, XBF, he can't shut off his feelings for me and look where he is, a basket case. Well, actually, he is getting better, but there for a while it seemed iffy and it was so hard to stay the course and not give in just to make him feel better, but I knew it would just start the whole cycle all over again. But, boy, is it hard!

Somehow, I managed to get sick too. Friday night I felt that tickle in my throat and I've been stopped up ever since. It's freaking miserable and I can't even buy Sudafed because of the freaking meth heads. What a crock of shit. I don't think you can even get Sudafed without a prescription here now. LOL I found one I had leftover after lieing in bed for about 20 minutes suffering with the stuffed up nose and can't breath shit. It's only a 12 hour one though - but maybe I'll be able to sleep. If I still feel this way tomorrow, I'm calling the doctor and ask for a prescription!