The other night the girls were talking about how they miss their dad's parents, which made me feel kinda guilty. A few of my friends that are in similar situations feel that the best thing to do is to allow access and let the kids figure it out for themselves, which I probably would have done should they have made any effort whatsoever to contact me to see the kids, which they haven't. I know in his mom's twisted mind, his being in prison is all my fault and I'm sure they would portray it that way to the girls. That in a nutshell is the problem, I am almost positive they would talk about inappropriate things with the girls should they be allowed to see them, which I don't want. It comes down to the girls hearing lies and the truth from me, but although I'm sure they believe me, I'm sure they also wonder why they are saying these things. It creates an atmosphere of uncertainty for them that I don't want them to experience and in my mind the only way to ensure that is for them to not be associated with his family.
Have I mentioned I can't breathe? The pregnancy is getting harder and harder - so totally different from my first two. I don't remember feeling all that miserable at all, but with this one, woobooy, she's a doozy. LOL
4 comments:
Sounds smart to stay away from them, maybe once the girls are older they may want to contact them themselves, for now just explain to them (in as a matter a fact way as you can) why you don't want them to see their grandparents.
As far as the pregnancy bit, well don't throw anything at me, but you are older this time out ;)
Your body is going to handle it differently becuase of that...
Just keep breathing, it will get easier soon, in someways! :)
Would it be worth it to get a P.O. Box so the girls can maybe write their grandparents? That way they can write them letters, but it's going to a P.O. Box and you can maybe sit with them and read the letter with them?
I'm sure that would be maybe playing with fire but I was trying to help brainstorm. I can completely understand why you wouldn't want that possible toxicity to hit the girls.
I wish I had some tips for the pregnancy but I don't. :( At least not yet. he he. I guess make sure to sit back now and then and just relax.
Well you know this is where I live with the grandparents and my ex's family I can totally relate. But like you I am never sure what the right thing to do is. I am always just winging it I guess that's the best any of us can do. As to the breathing I actually had trouble with Corey not with Cam. But I carried Corey differently, my ribs hurt, and I was just generally uncomfortable after the 6th month. He just seemed to be crowding me out. But I also didn't show much with him I wore my regular clothes through out most of that pregnancy. I found lying on my side stretched out on the floor like I was going to do yoga but not just practicing the breathing really helped.
What about supervised visits?
Meet at a McDonalds or something and let the grandparents know from the word go that if they start ONE inappropriate topic of conversation, then the visit is over and whomever will take the girls and leave.
Its what we had to do with my kids to avoid all the lies. Plus, in our state, so long as you're offering any type of visitation, the grandparents can't take you to court for grandparents rights. In TX, especially if the other parent is incarcerated or deceased, the grandparents can sue for visitation but only if they are receiving none. If you're offering them something - even if its not what they want, they can't.
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