Thanks for all the congratulations. It made me feel really good. It helps calm the negative nelly thing I've got goin on. I think the biggest worry I have is if NG and I don't make it, I've got another baby on my own. Truly, I think NG would always be an involved Father even if we weren't together, so what am I worried about? I don't know, I just don't like it. Why am I worried about us not making it? Because I know me, I'm doing the same thing I always do in a relationship, not making waves even when I should because I'm too afraid of conflict. I just want to get along. So, I don't mention when things bother me, I just smooth it over and ignore it until eventually I'm so full of resentment I just want to get out and away forever. What is bothering me you ask? Well, sometimes I feel like I'm doing things I don't want to do (nothing major, but it annoys me nonetheless). Yes I know we don't have any clean blankets/sheets in the house and they need washed, but I just don't feel like friggin' doing it this week! If it bothers you, do it yourself. If you were out yesterday for a couple of hours, why didn't you pick up the friggin' milk, toilet paper and soap? Why is that my responsbility? I'm at work from 8 until 430 and then I have the kids. Yes, I know you leave for work at 2 and don't get home and in bed until about 1245 or 1am. I know you get up at 730 and take the kids to school, but that leaves you 5 hours of kid free time, so really who has more time to do shit? True he does work harder than me, but you chose that profession, not me. Honestly, there is a small evil part of me that can't wait to see if he can really handle having the baby until he leaves for work every day. Yeah, it sounds doable, but honestly, I don't think he'll be able to cope with the responsiblity every day, no day off except Sat and Sun. I mean, I get home from work about 5 pm every day, that leaves about 4 hours with kids. Am I wrong to think that maybe he should have a little more responsbility than me for getting stuff done? As I've said before, it is really nice having a clean house every day with minimal effort, but sometimes I just want to veg out and not do a damn thing and that just doesn't fly in his world. Maybe I should start slipping xanax in his coffee so he can relax a little. His mentality is, he can't relax until everything he knows needs to be done is done, my mentality is, life is short, what is more important enjoying it or making sure all the clothes are washed?

Yesterday evening after I got home, I was thinking about why I haven't posted it on FB and such and I realized it's because I know X and his family use those sites to "spy" on my life. Truthfully, sometimes I think about deleting my profiles because I feel like I'm just asking for it by putting it out there. If it wasn't there, I'd be less out of their thoughts because they wouldn't "see" me or have that inkling in their mind of checking me out. Then, on the other hand, why should I have to hide? Sometimes I wonder why the mother of his first child got off so easy. I mean she did keep him from his child (which was probably pretty smart) and she did prosecute him for non-payment (not that it got any money), and they could care less about her. Probably, if I had moved to Florida, I would've gone the same (she lives out of state), but by staying here I never got that outta sight outta mind thing going on. Truthfully, I think if his Mother would have just stayed out of it, he would have went on his merry way and forgot about me, but with his mom pressing him for visiting with the girls he couldn't forget about me as easily. Now, that I've put him in jail for so long, he'll never forget. That scares me.