Does anyone read LawGirl or Daily Musings from my blog list? They just recently when private before I had a chance to say hey, I read you, so if you do can you let them know that I'd like to be added! LOL

On to other things. We have a cheer comp coming up soon and it looks like NG won't get to go because he has to work. : ( When I mentioned this to the girls they were sooooo bummed out. I thought maybe they would be like, cool, it's a girls weekend, but they didn't. I was kinda surprised LOL. However, it's also nice to have my thoughts about how they feel about him confirmed. Oldest almost looked like she was going to boohoo. So sweet.

Of course, I am also having some unexpected thoughts about this. Most of the time I am completely sure I am in the right with respect to their relationship with their Father. He made his bed and now he can lie in it. He made choices to get where he is and those have also affected his relationships with his daughters. I am in the process of getting documentation from the Visitation Center regarding his sporadic visitation with them as well as reviewing the emails that went back and forth regarding the girls and their activities. The truth is he had ample opportunity to participate but chose not to because he didn't want to put forth the effort. When littlest played soccer, the coach gave him a schedule. He had a schedule for the football games. Did he ever show up, no. When he did have the kids on days they were supposed to participate, he either left early or didn't even bring them. He chose to badger them for information about me when they visited him and fill their heads with emotionally damaging ideas that I loved one more than the other or didn't love them at all and that I was a bad person. For the most part, I have tried to refrain from speaking poorly about their Father, but I have had lapses here and there. It's hard to be positive about someone who damaged me like he did, but I have tried. They are not dumb, and when they ask me questions about their Dad, to lie or hide the truth. I think for a long time, I was letting the fact that he is their Dad make me think that he had the right to them, but the truth is, he doesn't have the emotional maturity to be a Father, he can't even make good decisions for himself so how can he be trusted to make good decisions for them? Not that I'm a paragon of virtue, but I think I am a pretty good mother.

I also get kinda pissed when I think about their (him and his family's) claims that I am not a good mother. I mean what do they base that on? The kids get straight A's, they participate in extracurricular activities, they go to the doctor and dentist regularly, they are clean and well dressed, they have practically every electronic gadget known to the planet, they don't get into trouble at school so they must be pretty well-behaved, they listen for the most part, they are loved, I talk to them everyday about their day and try to make sure that if they are having a problem that they can talk to me about it, I go to school events, they have friends over to spend the night, they have spectacular bday parties, I'm hardly apart from them except for work. I mean what more do they frickin want???? That's what I'd like to say to them. I know exactly what they are going to say too, we don't like the men you choose. The truth is unless he was a candidate for sainthood, they'd never be happy, and maybe not even then! I think in their mind, I should remain single until the girls are old enough to go to college. In fact, that's a belief held by more than just my crazy ex and his family, because of the whole abuse by boyfriends factor that is so prevalent in the news.

I also felt bad the other day because I heard Oldest talking about her grandma (his mother) and how they were best friends and how she slept with her when she visited her dad. I feel bad that she is not getting to see her in a way, but I also think it's best because that woman is a head gamer. I don't trust her at all. No one in my family ever really liked her at all, they thought she was a fake and sorta odd. For some reason, I never saw that until later when I stopped doing what she wanted me to do. Everything is all great and good when you're doing what she wants (whatever that may be), but god help you when you stop. She is a master manipulator and I am afraid of what she could mold oldest into. I feel sorta bad for saying this too, but I'm sorta glad that they aren't making the effort to see the girls because then they can't blame it on me. They never called to ask and therefore IMO, they are at fault. Now, if I said no, then it would be on me, but luckily, I haven't had to do that. I'm sure when the girls are older, they're going to blame it on me and probably lie and say they asked, but the truth is they didn't and that will be enough for me. Even if they do associate with the family when they are older, I'm sure eventually something will happen to show them what kind of people they really are and they will see that I did what I had to do.