It's so hard finding time to get on here and post. My X is in jail and we have a hearing mid October to violate his home confinement. He has been charged with counts of telephone harrassment and stalking. I did not get the DVP order because what he did was not considered domestic violence (they didn't allow evidence of the stuff that had happened months ago, only recent stuff so they only things I had were the one friend request via myspace and the posting of the inappropriate pictures. If I had applied for one while he was leaving all those messages it would have been granted). The Judge did tell him to leave me alone or he would grant the order. The Judge did not seem concerned about the things related to the girls. I did not have an attorney, but my X did paid for by him mom, and I think that was why things went so bad for me. Well, not bad, but not good. The domestic violence coordinator said that even though I didn't get the order, at least we got the accusations on record and if he did keep harassing me it would be granted. Then after we left court, the detective who testified arrested him. X's atty was pissed! He went into the courtroom after he was arrested and told the Judge as if we were doing something wrong by arresting him!!! I thought it was really bizarre, like the Judge was going to be pissed or something. I mean, if the cops didn't think he had done something illegal, he wouldn't be arrested! He told the Judge, he actually interrupted the hearing that started after ours, and told him that he just thought he should know that we had him arrested after the hearing. What did he think the Judge was going to do, void the arrest or something?
Things with NG are still going good. He treats me so good and is so good with the girls. My oldest is even seeming to let down her guard with him. Her therapist said my oldest seemed very relieved that she did not have to go to her Dad's for a while. It's sad, but although he is their bio dad, he is not being a real dad. I have given him the opportunity but he didn't take it. I even think that if he hadn't gone to jail, after he got off home confinement, he would have eventually dropped out of their life, he had basically started to do just that before he was on home confinement, then because he had nothing else to do and his mom was encouraging/supporting he was getting them, but he still missed weekends. Why should they have to suffer to keep him entertained while he pretends to be a dad. The truth is he has never had their best interests at heart or he wouldn't denigrate me to them, grill them every time they come over, try to turn them against me and each other, mess with their minds, hit them, and act sexually inappropriate with them.
When we were in court, I stared him down. He looked at me a couple of times and I gave him the full on hate stare til he had to look away. I wanted him to know that he has went too far and I despise him. He looked away every time. He knows he is wrong. He may not admit it to anyone, but he knows.
Not to mention the fact that he hasn't done a damn thing to support these girls in 8 years. When we were together, I did it and since we've been divorced I've done it. He hasn't paid one dime in child support (not that $50 a month was going to do very much, I mean that doesn't even pay for after care for one week!).
The girls had a cheerleading competition a few weeks ago and they did really good. They are both so talented and smart. Of course, they take after their mom, ha ha.
Well, I'm going back to bed.
8 comments:
Glad to hear things are moving in a positive direction Cassee.
And that you're hanging in there with NG, he sounds pretty good for you and your girls.
Take care!
I'm glad to hear that things are taking a turn for the better. As far as the "biological dad" thing, making a "donation" doesn't make a guy into a dad - and that's about all he did. The girls needn't worry about ever being anything like him because they share his genes - they share yours also, and they live in a good home with a loving mom who looks out for them.
$50 a month? I hope you were being facetious about that! I mean, why even bother with $50 a month.
And I totally don't get how some of these dads can just walk away from their kids like how I read about sometimes. I mean, missing visits sends a message to those kids. Heck, I think it's important not only to make all the scheduled visits, but to make every effort to be prompt (on time) at each end of the visit.
Wow. I'm late on this one. **crossing my fingers for you that the October hearing goes well**
Keep doing what you are doing. It does sound as if you have things moving in the right direction.
Hi. Thanks for emailing me...I sent an invite off to you!
Gosh my prayers go out to you and the girls. If you need someone one to talk to I am just and email away!
My ex is out on bond. He's on his way to prison for a LONG time when they finally get him into court. I've supported my kids by myself for 10 years. Double that if you count that it was me doing the supporting during the marriage too.
Think of it this way- it may be the best thing for the girls to not be caught up and drug into his craziness anymore. They don't have to ride that merry-go-round and they can be little girls. In 99% of cases that wouldn't be true and it would be horrid for the girls to not be with their daddy. But there is that 1% where one of the parents is just so crazy and out of control that it's safer for the kids to not be around them.
Keep your head up!
My ex hasn't seen my boys in about 8 years. In the first two years after we separated, he saw them twice. He has three or four more kids after them by as many different women.
In the beginning, I carried around a lot of anger. I couldn't understand his behavior and I really wasted so much of my energy loathing him. Like you, I didn't receive any support, unless he was in jail or on disibility or unemployment.
After time went on, I just let it go. I've never badmouthed him to the boys, but as they get older, they just know. A few months ago, he signed the papers so that my husband could adopt the boys and that's what we're doing now. The boys have called my hubby 'dad' for so long now, and it is just right.
I hope that you and your girls find the peace that you deserve. I know that it can be hard.
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