What to call a step-parent has seemed to be quite the hot button issue on many blogs I read. As a child of divorce myself at the age of 7, I never called anyone but my dad, dad. However, I did see my dad on a consistent basis (every other weekend and more in the summer) and my mother encouraged/did not sabotage our relationship. Not too long ago, my youngest asked if she could call NG, her step dad, dad. We told her yes, but I still feel kinda funny about it. I've always had this aversion to people calling step-parents mom or dad and I don't quite know why. I don't judge others who do it, but I never thought I would allow it. I wonder why I feel guilty? I mean, if anyone did not deserve the title of dad it is my X, so why do I con't to feel weird about it. Even though both girls now call NG dad, I still don't, I use his name. It's getting harder and harder though because it seems as if the more they call him that the more I seem to slip up and say it. For instance, "Tell your dad to let the dog out.". But after I say it, I feel weird. Why is that?
Back to the history of this though, I got a little sidetracked. When the youngest started to call him Dad, the oldest would correct her and we told her to stop. If youngest wants to then it is her right just as it is yours to do so or not. When she con't to ridicule youngest, she was made to call him dad for a week too and then at the end of the week she could quit. However, she never did, even though I reminded her that she could. I feel guilty about that too - like I made her do it - though at the time I thought I was just taking the ability for her to make fun of younger for it.
Why do I have so much angst over this?
2 comments:
Is it possibly just a stigma growing up that you're struggling with? I've told the boys they can call me whatever they want as long as it is respectful and not angry or mean. It sometimes feels weird to have other people call me their mom, but I think it's because I'm just not their birth mom. But at the same time I expect them to show respect for my parents and sister and to call them auntie, Lola and Papa. We let the boys decide what they'd like to call my parents. I grew up with the notion that you show respect for your elders by addressing them with their proper name of (grandma, auntie, uncle, etc.) The boys call their mom's mom by her first name and that bothers the heck out of me. I think it's great that you allow the girls to call NG what they would like to and that you encourage them to be open minded about it. I think that is fostering a healthy outlook on life.
My step kids call me by my first name. My kids call my husband (their step dad) by his first name. It was always their decision and this is what they are most comfortable with. I like it. I think I would feel like you if my step kids started calling me mom.
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