Have been moved in for about a month now. Things are better and worse. The total mess is making me crazy. Not having to live with J, worth it. I have no furniture in the living room except for my desk. He still hasn't moved my dresser or hutch. The washer and dryer are mine, but I feel like I don't have the right to them.

I thought the girls would be happier, especially my oldest, but I really don't see that big of a change. I have scheduled us for family counseling. Something has to give. I can't take this constant unhappiness. Why is she so unhappy practically all the time? Did I make a mistake leaving her dad? No. My mistake is thinking she can understand that. To her, he is her daddy. She doesn't know how crazy D is, yet. Hopefully, she will never see the true evilness that I know him to be, or that he can be. He can put on a good act. I certainly fell for it for 11 years. I know the reason I am back on this track. This contact we are having through email. I set it up because since the girls are getting older and more involved in stuff, I thought enough time had passed, that he could handle it. Plus, since J and I are no longer together, I wouldn't be hiding it from anyone. Stupid, stupid, stupid. He is still obsessed with me. My friend T makes jokes about how she can get a man and I can't get rid of them. The grass always seems greener on the other side.

Will I ever enjoy life again? Sometimes I wonder.